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Dual-religion families, how do you incorporate both or choose? |
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 Jan 17 2006, 12:56 PM
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Flesh-Eating-Slug Catcher
Posts: 187
Joined: 10:54am May 18, 2005
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I wanted to get some feedback from others in a similar situtaion to mine. My husband and I are expecting our first child, so naturally we want to be on the same page with how we plan to raise this child. My husband is agnostic and I am Christian. We have decided to raise our child(ren) going to church and teach the bible, but when they are old enough, they can decide what to believe for themselves and if they do choose to believe in a higher power, which power that is.
Are there any other families out there with parents who are of different religious backgrounds? ie: Mom protestant, Dad Jewish, etc. How did you decide which religion to raise the children in? Or do you incorporate both and if so, how? How has it worked for you (would you change anything looking back)? And for children who were raised in this situation, how has it effected you personally and how have you coped? Was your parents' method effective?
Happy discussing!
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Jan 17 2006, 01:25 PM
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Gambol and Japes' Research Department
Posts: 1,361
Joined: 9:41am July 13, 2005
Location: Goin' crazy on Caroline Street
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Songbird This is a great topic! In my family, my mother is Episcopalian (I don't know if I spelled that right, sorry!) and my dad is Catholic. Our parents got married agreeing to raise us Catholic, and then after we were Confirmed, we got to choose to do what we wanted to. My husband is also Episcopalian (again, spelling, sorry!) and I am still a somewhat - practicing Catholic. (meaning I don't go every single week to church) When I got pregnant, we decided to raise our daughter Catholic, also. We had her baptized, and my father and I try to take her to church every week, although with the snowy weather we've been having, we haven't gotten there in a few weeks! But every night my husband puts her to bed saying a prayer with her, and he'll occasionally come to church with us. It's good that my husband had an open mind to my religion, when I know he doesn't agree with some things about the Catholic religion. And my mom was the same way with my brothers and I - she'd take us to church on Sundays even though she wasn't Catholic. I think as long as you and your spouse are in agreement, everything will work out just fine! Good luck, songbird!
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If we wern't all BOOFY we'd all go insane.
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Jan 17 2006, 02:12 PM
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Butterbeer Connoisseur
Posts: 1,472
Joined: 4:20pm June 3, 2005
Location: Nashville, TN, US
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My husband was raised Lutheran. I was raised in a non-denominational church. I had a problem with my church right before we got married, so we both stopped attending. Since then we have been attending a Lutheran church, off and on (we dont attend very often). I don't mind the church we go to now, but I am still not comfortable there. The church I used to go to was so open and friendly, it was loud and fun, the kind of church where we sang and danced. I loved it, its how I always thought God would want us to worship, very very joyfully. Our church now is just so different, I don't know if I will ever be comfortable there. My husband was not that comfortable in my church either, but he had only been attending for a few months before we left. I haven't figured out yet what I want to do, much less where I would want to raise my children when I have them. I do think its more important to be in a church that your children are comfortable with, as a young kid I was very involved in my church, drama and dance and youth group. When we moved I really dislike our new church, the church and pastor were fine, but I didn't like the other kids, there was no one my age, and I was just too different from them. I like the actual church services, but hated going. I would rather go to a church I am not completely comfortable in and have my kids enjoy it than go somewhere I wanted to be and them hate it. That doesn't mean that I have any idea where we will be once we have kids though! My parents were very different, my mom was raised Catholic, but never went to church. I grew up going with my dad. Even after they divorced, if we were at mom's for the weekend, he would still pick us up for church and take us home afterwards. I didn't mind that mom wasn't there, I liked my church and loved going with my dad. So that worked for us.
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Jan 17 2006, 11:08 PM
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Quality Quidditch Supplies Broom Display Artist
Posts: 2,397
Joined: 8:46pm July 29, 2005
Location: Playing backgammon
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As religion isn't such a big deal around here, this made me think. Most people here are Catholic, but churches are about ¾ empty...
I think the important thing is that you both agree and that your child feels good in what he or she is living. As with all religions, there are similar values that you both can teach your child.
We go to church, from time to time. Mostly when there is a mass for B's mother. We bring flowers and we go to the cimetery and he puts the flowers on her grave and his dad traces her name with his finger and tells him about her. It's always an emotional time, and always a time for me to thank her for giving me signs that she agrees with how we are bringing him up. As for prayer, I'm not big on those prayer they use to teach us at school when I was a kid. With B, what I do is that everynight when I put him to bed, there's a time when I tell him about all the people who love him, and about his momy I, who's up in the sky with the stars...
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Jan 19 2006, 09:34 AM
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Flesh-Eating-Slug Catcher
Posts: 187
Joined: 10:54am May 18, 2005
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Wow, P4C, I never thought of it that way, but it is a very good point. I grew up with a mother who was very strict Missouri Synod Lutheran and we were not even allowed to go to events (roller skating parties, etc...) with other church's groups if our friends invited us. And I remember when I was 18 and could vote, it was not an election year, but my mother told me I was republican (I now consider myself more liberal) and telling me "Remember, you are voting 'no'" when there was a bond issue. It was never questioned why I was to vote that way or whywe believed in the lutheran faith. And my mother and I had our biggest fight ever over my religion because I didn't feel comfortable anymore in the Lutheran church I was going to at college. I started looking at other churches and my mom told me that I was Lutheran because SHE was and I was not going to change, church was not to be comfortable in and if I stopped going to that church I was rejecting her. I still regret that she was so hurt by my decision, but I believe faith is a personal thing. No one can make me believe a certain way, nor can they believe for me, so that relationship with God (if I choose to have one) is for me to decide, and my political beliefs as well. That is why it was so important for me that my kids be able to choose. I don't ever want them to feel guilty for having their own opinions or for being an individual. I would love it if they choose to believe in God as I do, but that is for them to decide.
I never thought about the apathy being because we don't teach our children to explore for themselves, but you are right. Telling them what to believe takes away their ownership in it, so they just aren't interested. It becomes a chore...wash the dishes, go to church, clean your room. Interesting that I never saw that. Thank you for your point of view.
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Jan 21 2006, 09:08 AM
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Junior Dishwasher at The Leaky Cauldron
Posts: 636
Joined: 6:07am January 28, 2005
Location: StormKeeper In The Sky
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i think its a shame that some religions reqire to you be initiated into them at a young age to ever truly belong to them, and so are less open then others to the spiritual person surfing the possilibilties as it were. i am a christian, but i only go to church if i want to, meaning that it does not become a chore like was said above. i know a family near me, the father is a muslim and the mother is a christian, and i admire their approach becasue instead of focussing on the finer points of ritual between them, they have taken what is comman to both their religions and taught that to their children instead and left them to choose, and promising to accept whatever choice they made. i am friends with thr daughter who is now a pagan! dinner times are quite intersting there as there are about three diffferent prayer and ceremoies to be said over the food, but they dont let religion define or get in the way of them being a family.
i dont know the point of this post, but i hope its useful to you.
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