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Poll: The engagement's off! Who keeps the ring?
Poll: Who gets the ring?
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Pleione
post Aug 15 2008, 10:45 AM
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If an engagement is broken or called off, who gets the diamond engagement ring?

This question came up recently when the granddaughter of a good client of mine broke off her engagement. Now she wants to keep the ring. lac.gif

The law in many (US) states views an engagement ring as a conditional gift, with the condition to be met as actually getting married. A few states say the condition is the acceptance of the proposal of marriage.

My personal opinion is that she should return the ring regardless of the reasons the wedding has been canceled. If my engagement to my husband had been called off for any reason, I would have immediately returned the ring because I think it's the right thing to do.

So, what do you think? Should she keep the ring? Does who called off the engagement matter? Do the reasons the engagement were called off matter? What would you do?

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Pleione
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netsrikb
post Aug 15 2008, 10:56 AM
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I think that no matter how or who calls the wedding off, the ring should be returned...frankly it is pretty creepy and wrong to keep a ring from someone whom you are no longer getting married to (or someone you are no longer with).
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keola sombra
post Aug 15 2008, 12:14 PM
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I choose 'depends on whos at fault'

Generally I would say it
- If the groom called it off, the bride should keep the ring

- If the bride called it off, she should return the ring (It's not right that she keeps it, if it's her fault)

but of course if the groom calls it off because the bride has cheated on him etc. , she shouldn't get to keep it, and the other way around...


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Azkaban's_Angel
post Aug 15 2008, 12:34 PM
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QUOTE(Pleione @ Aug 15 2008, 04:45 PM) *
If an engagement is broken or called off, who gets the diamond engagement ring?

My personal opinion is that she should return the ring regardless of the reasons the wedding has been canceled. If my engagement to my husband had been called off for any reason, I would have immediately returned the ring because I think it's the right thing to do.

Hmmm ponder.gif I am of similar opinion to yourself Pleione that whatever the circumstances the potential bride should always attempt to return the ring, however I think if the groom was at fault it would be fairly shabby on his part to accept its return.


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BaronessTarleton...
post Aug 16 2008, 09:27 AM
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The woman should return the ring. From what I understand about engagement rings(heh...still have mine...well, I am married now...so yeah...)it's considered a "conditional gift." Meaning, it's kept on the CONDITION that you'll be marrying the person who gave it to you. If it's called off for whatever reason, the ring is returned...as with the condition was broken, like a contract. Hope that made sense, it did in my head! blink.gif darkmark.gif


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hedwig2323
post Aug 16 2008, 10:10 AM
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The ring should be returned under nearly all circumstances. I'd say the only fair exception would be if the guy was the reason the wedding was called off and the ring was sold to recoup some financial costs the woman or her family may have been sunk into a wedding that didn't happen.


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Eva Hedwig
post Aug 17 2008, 02:12 PM
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The ring should be returned whenever the relation is over. It's part of a compromise that no longer exist.
There is some energy bound up with this and if you keep it, you keep part of the energy from the other person in your life. That's not sane.

It's break and get away so both have a new chance or chances smile.gif

For my part I never had any engagement ring, nor marring ring. For me, that are odd stuff that do not have to do with love, it's possesing the other. dry.gif .
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Mistressofthedar...
post Aug 17 2008, 09:30 PM
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Eva, I couldn't have said it better myself. I definitely think that giving the ring back is a good idea. If that chapter of your life is over, it's best to completely close the book, rather than keep a bookmark with which to go back later.

In the end though it is her choice. If she wants the ring, she should be allowed to keep it.


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Nickel
post Aug 18 2008, 06:44 AM
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This very thing came up with my younger sister. She had been with her boyfriend for 5 years when he proposed. They were both young still (21 - they'd been together since they were 16) so they set the wedding date for 18 months later. 12 months after proposing, and 6 months before the wedding, he just left. Came home from work one day, told her it was over and left the house they were living in (there had been rumours circulating about him and a girl he worked with but when my sister asked him directly about it, he said the rumours were false - which turned out to be lie). He did not ask for the ring back nor did she offer immediately. But quite frankly she was pretty angry and upset and didn't really want to talk to him at all (made worse over the following weeks by the fact that he was telling people that she had been the one to call it off). When she'd had a little time to gather herself together again, she did call him about it but rather than offer it back, she'd done up a list of how much money my parents had already spent on things such as the engagement party and other wedding costs. Plus the fact that my parents had been helping my sister and her fiance pay their rent so that they could save extra money to go somewhere nice on a honeymoon (and that money was in a bank account in his name). So she pretty much told him that she was selling the ring and the money was going back to recoup some of those costs.

So I guess my answer is that if it's called off by the groom-to-be (or because of his actions such as cheating etc) and the brides family has already outlayed money for costs associated with the wedding, they should be entitled to get that money back. If it's called off before any money has been paid for things, then I think it should be returned just because I don't know why she'd want it around.

If it's the bride who calls it off (or because of her actions such as cheating etc), she should definitely give it back.

So I picked 'Other' in the poll because my response is based on who is at fault / who called it off and when it's called off.


This post has been edited by Nickel: Aug 18 2008, 06:48 AM
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hellostarshine_1...
post Aug 18 2008, 10:57 AM
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I have read that etiquette dictates that if the ring is given on a gift-giving holiday *i.e. Christmas, Valentine's or birthday* and is included as part of the total number of gifts that the ring does not have be returned although like most of you have stated, why would the girl want it hanging around in her jewelry box. I also believe that it is based on who calls it off and how much money had been spent so far towards the wedding before it was called of.

in my case my ex got away scott free, and i didn't even have the idea to sell my ring to recoup cost *not that i would have gotten that much for it b/c he only paid 200 for it*


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