I give up! I have searched and searched for information about a gentleman/father's customs and responsibilites towards his family relations and I am turning up zip...zero...zilch...nada. The things I can find about "gentlemen" of the era show that they were chiefly engaged in pleasure seeking, hunting, hanging out at the club, and entertaining a mistress on the side. It does appear from the books that it was primarily the mother's responsibility to see to the education of her children.
Speaking of education, the info I found about it here and here, says that women were generally educated at home by governesses. This was mainly a cultural education, meant to give them the tools necessary to be an asset to a husband. It included mainly a foreign language, and heavy on the arts of music, drawing, and dance.
The education of men...QUOTE
Gentlemen would be educated at home by a governess or tutor until they were old enough to attend a public school. The curriculum was heavily weighted towards the classics - the languages and literature of Ancient Greece and Rome. After that, they would attend Oxford or Cambridge. Here they might also study mathematics, law, philosophy, and modern history. Oxford tended to produce more Members of Parliament and government officials, while Cambridge leaned more towards the sciences and produced more acclaimed scholars. It was not compulsory, either legally or socially, for a gentleman to attend school at all. He could, just as easily, be taught entirely at home. However, public school and University were the great staging grounds for public life, where you made your friends and developed the connections that would aid you later in life.
I did run across this list of social "don'ts"
QUOTE
Omitting to pay proper respect to company, on entering or leaving a room; or paying it only to one person, when more are present.
Entering a room with the hat on, and leaving it in the same manner.
Setting still on the entrance of your instructor, strangers, or parents.
Omitting the proper attention, when waited on by superiors.
Passing between the fire and persons sitting at it.
Whispering, or pointing in company, and staniding between the light and any person wanting it.
Contradicting your parents or strangers who are any way engaged in conversations.
Laughing loudly, when in company, and drumming with feet or hands.
Swinging the arms, and all other aukward gestures, especially in the street, and in company.
All actions that have the most remote tendency to indelicacy.
Leaning on the shoulder, or chair of another person, and overlooking persons who are writing or reading.
Throwing things instead of handing them, and crowding others in a passinge, or running against their elbows.
Contempt in looks, words, or actions, for a partner in dancing, or other persons.
All instances of that ill judged familiaritywhich breeds contempt.
Lolling on a chair when speaking or when spoken to, and looking persons earnestly in the face without any apparent cause.
Surliness of all kinds, especially on receiving a compliment
Distortion of countenance, and mimicry.
Ridicule of every kind, vice or folly
A constant smile or settled frown on the countenance.
I laughed at how many times characters were breaking the 'rules' and I didn't even realize it! I also found a site that listed a woman's responsibilities towards her husband that was quite hilarious in context of our modern lives, but I lost it again. If I run across it, I will post the link here.