The Noble History of Duelling, By Sir Lance Bluntley |
 Jan 16 2007, 11:53 PM
Post
#11
|
|
Queen of Scribbuliciousness  Posts: 2,527 Joined: 1:00am October 2, 2005 Location: Deathly Hallows is my Rochester, my Romeo, my Heathcliffe...    |
Sir,
Yes, you are correct, I am related to Severus. I’m his second cousin, twice removed on the paternal side. I have to admit, I am slightly taken aback by your expression of disdain for my dear cousin. It may be true that us Snapes are somewhat stylistically challenged (but then with a complexion like ours and our raven locks, really, black IS the only suitable colour for us to wear. And while we’re on the subject, I want to take this opportunity to once and for all squash those rumours of hereditary shampoo allergy running in our family. It is NOT a hypersensitivity to shampoo, it is a hypersecretion of the cranial oil glands. You could, in fact, boil us in shampoo and our hair would remain just as oily. This hypersecretion of oil also causes our waxy complexion, and even is the cause of the slight discolouration of our undergarments and anything else worn close to the skin. We are not unhygienic people with bad laundry habits, it is an embarrassing medical condition that we have no control over. You have no idea of the impact the constant taunts have on the younger members of our family), my poor cousin in particular, but my cousin is an upstanding member of the community (if you disregard that unfortunate incident atop the astronomy tower last summer) and a fine dueller to boot. I fear your open mindedness only extends to those among us exhibiting a certain sense of panache. Could this be the reason that after the countless occasions we have encountered each other in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade, you still proclaim to be unaware of our acquaintance? Surely, you must remember some of the occasions I returned you your money bag, gloves or hat? Do simple but functional black robes and cloaks not register on your radar? I am pleased you enjoyed the robes I sent you. But maybe next time I won’t go to such lengths to get all the stains out. Still reluctantly yours, Sev. --------------------  Jeeves, I am not awake. I have not had my tea and yet you bring me Fink-Nottles. |
 |
 
 
|
