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Snape: Good or Bad or Good in Bed?
By Dr Cynthya Cynycal

Abstract & Biography:

Dr Cynthya Cynycal, a Madurodam psychologyst (as in Get Your Stuff Together), feels her private practice for the treatment of the fictionally infatuated has been hijacked by Snape, who is worshipped like a god by most of her clients. Dr Cynthya’s dearest ambition is to help put an end to the Snape craze by giving you tried & tested, wise & thoughtful tricks & tips, based on years of experience, to loosen Your Inner Snape’s pincer-like grip.

Acknowledgments:

I wish to thank my ex-client, whom I shall name “Nina,” for her invaluable contribution in making Severus Anonymous® happen. Nina’s tenacious Snape obsession was a challenge for both of us and demanded the utmost of my creativity.

An outline of dr Cynycal's Severus Anonymous® treatment plan can be found here.

Dr. Cynycal, I must thank you for writing this essay. Though I found it painful to read (many tears were shed), I know it is necessary to expose this debilitating disorder suffered by so many women in the world. Though I myself have grappled now and then with a borderline case of Snape Obsession (admitting it is the first step), the tears I shed were mostly for my anonymous friend - the one we call "Nina".

She has suffered greatly, and I know you and Snivellus the Snuppet have helped her immensely. Why, just the other day I heard her dismiss Snape as a "git" while offhandedly mentioning that Alan Rickman had "lovely feet" in the same breath. I'm not sure what significance this has, but it sure seems like a step in the right direction to me.

I have a final comment regarding footnote #63, about Snape's feet having some bearing on the outcome of DH. Please see the essay "Sock It To Him!" in this month's issue of Scribbulus, and mentally replace Voldemort with Snape as you read the ending. Could this be a possible fate for our Severus as well?

Bravo, Dr. Cynycal! Truly noble, selfless work!

Thank you, Witherwings, and now that you mention ‘truly noble' and 'selfless’, here's the missing link to the SeverusAnonymous® self-directed, online rehab clinic for all readers to visit: http://www.severusanonymous.co.uk/registration.php.

You will find the Clinic’s reasonable fees on the registration page. However, since today is such a special day -the very first day the Clinic's online- I decided to give all of you a free password that gains access to most of the site’s sections.

Feel free to use it today. Note that registration does require a web cam. When indicated look into your web cam and say the password loud and clear: “Enolirpa”. Explore the site, have fun and remember: if you like what you see, just pay that fee!

Dr Cynthya Cynycal

Dr. Cynical, I have a question. Recently I've been having dreams about Snape in which he appears to be a stoic and mysterious older man - not unlike Clint Eastwood often plays in movies. He is interacting with Harry like Tommy Lee Jones would interact with Will Smith in Men in Black. It seems so realistic and being as he does wear black often all the time... well he is so handsome in the movies... well isn't it, um, possible that Harry is just overly critical of him in the books? I mean maybe he isn't all that greasy and sallow - maybe Harry just isn't such a good judge of appearances. You know how youth can be so judgmental. Not that I have a problem or anything.

Dr Cynycal, I'm certain that your clynycal therapy can help a friend of mine (who shall truly remain anonymous, unlike poor "Nina"). My friend believes that Snape is "misunderstood." Apparently she has read some of the fanfic you mention in your essay and it may take years to undo the damage. I have sent her the link to your clynyc and hope that you can help her!

Thank you Dr Cynycal. I haven't laughed that much in ages!

That was so wonderful! Truly amazing! I know a lot of people who need to be enrolled in your clinic. You are correct in saying that there aren't any fics out there where Snape's "horribly flickering vein" in his neck is paid tribute to. Or least if there is I haven't read it. However I have read many where the taste and smell of the Potions Master is described extremely detailed. The diary entry was priceless! Even your footnotes gave my streaming tears from laughter!!!!

Do you have a clinic set up for non-Snape fangirl? One for those hopelessly in love with bad boy with a heart of gold ?

BTW I always thought Snape would smell like camphor. *very ashamed I think thought that much about it*

BRAVO!!!!

I can't stop laughing. It was very good, I love it.

A wonderful essay, thank you so much for it! My cat left the room because I was laughing so hard about Grabthar's Hammer.

Yes, I enjoyed reading it, but your cruel plan didn't work on me. I am still perfectly Snape-obsessed.

I pity the males whose curiousity got the better of them, and made the unwise decision to peruse your wonderful essay. Though, I must admit, the "Lolita" parody in the first paragraph ought to have given them a hint of things to come.....Excellent work!

This post has been edited by Hedwig June: 02 April 2007 - 11:40 AM