Young mums and dads, what are your experiences? |
  Mar 4 2007, 04:09 PM
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#1
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WhizzHard Books Copy Editor  Posts: 2,185 Joined: 4:31pm October 9, 2006 Location: At Swamp Bottom, making thread.  |
Im a young mum. i had my first child a month after i turned twenty and my second was born when i was 21. It seems to me that while all the mums i know are very nice, and we can talk about our children when it comes to talking about much else we get a bit stuck.... you see im the youngest mum at all my toddler groups by a good eight or nine years. the average age of the mums at the groups is about 33.
so i thought id set this thread up to see if there are many other young mums on this board, what are you experiences, of being a mum and of pregnancy? while i love being a mum, i was a bit uncomfortable with my pregnancies, i felt very selfconcious, and thought people where judging me based on 'my bump'. when older mums announced their pregnancys got congraulations, i got shaking heads, is this planned?, and what are you going to do? and ok, my first wasnt planned but my second was. i was in a stable relationship (still am, we are now married) and my husband had a good income, but still i was greeted with negitiveness. that said i have so much more energy than a lot of the other mums i know. me and brandon (my eldest) do crafts and run about and play at the park, while a lot of the other mums sit watching and craving coffee! i hope there are some of you out there! k.x -------------------- Leakys British thread has grown too big for the lounge! Join us HERE for Brit talk, and random Potter-ing  |
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Mar 4 2007, 05:25 PM
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Getting Fitted for New Dress Robes Posts: 50 Joined: 6:49am April 13, 2006 Location: England! |
You think that you fall under "Young Mum", wow, maybe we live in two seperate worlds, but I think the best age for having children is between 20-26 personally, just because you're still young enough to remember your youth easily.
When I think of young mum, I think of <18s, which really is young. I knew a couple of people at 14 who had kids, poor things. I felt so sorry for them when I heard that news... Sorry, that was a touch off topic. -------------------- [ My Site | My Livejournal ]
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Mar 4 2007, 07:01 PM
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#3
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WhizzHard Books Copy Editor Posts: 2,185 Joined: 4:31pm October 9, 2006 Location: At Swamp Bottom, making thread. |
it was a little off topic yes. i kind of hoped that this thread would be one which other young mums could support each other and share experiences. what i meant by the term 'young mum' is really mums under 25. there dont seem to be many about at any of the groups or activities i take my children to, as i said earlier. while physically 20-26 is ideal that fact is most women wait now. there are even quite a few new mums in their mid-late 40s at toddler group..
babys at 14?! wow! i think there was one girl i went to school with who was pregnant at 15/16, but 14 really makes you think. -------------------- Leakys British thread has grown too big for the lounge! Join us HERE for Brit talk, and random Potter-ing |
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Mar 4 2007, 10:52 PM
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Hiding in the Iron Maiden at Borgin and Burkes Posts: 334 Joined: 1:27pm July 21, 2006 Location: sneaking off to the broom cupboard with one of the twins..  |
Oh god - I don't even want to think of 14 year old's getting pregnant. My sister is about to turn 15 and the thought terrifies me. I wonder if it's too late to put her under lock and key
 Anyways - I'm considered a young mom. At least I consider myself a young mom. I'm 21 -- and I'm pregnant with my first. My husband and I have been married for 2 years, but we constantly get the "oh was it planned!?" looks and comments. It drives me crazy. I actually had someone ask me at the doctor's office if we had recently gotten married after finding out the "big news." Umm -- not quite. Thanks for the lovely question though. I also raise my sister (the 14 year old) and I'm constantly getting weird/snarky comments about that. I guess it's hard to believe that a 21 year old would willing take in their sister and raise them. Come to think of it - it probably is hard to believe. Most of my friends are still too interested in bar hopping than raising a family. It's rough at times -- but I truly believe we have the advantage. We can still remember what it's like at that age vividly.. something that helps me greatly when it comes to dealing with my sister. Not that older mom's can't -- I just think it's easier for us to relate to em. -------------------- supporter of the: Rotfang Conspiracy taking over the Ministry with one Dark Curse & Diseased Gum at a time Lupin is my dream man. Because if we ever fought, afterwards - he'd give me choccie. and I love a man that understands the importance of choccie. <33 |
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Mar 5 2007, 02:29 AM
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Monster Book Stacker Posts: 406 Joined: 2:47am July 25, 2005 |
I think, because the "usual" thing to do is for people to go to college, most folks think of families as starting in your late 20's/early 30's. When my wife and I had our first child, we were two of the youngest in our Lamaze class. (I was 30, she was 27) So, to see someone younger than that with a child seems a little out of the ordinary, if it was planned. That in no way excuses the rude, intrusive observations.
Parenting is not an exact science. I know many people are ready at a very young age for the responsibilities of parenthood, and others are never ready. Unfortunately, most of the men and women that I know who are in their early 20's are immature, selfish and have a huge aversion to work. Those are not good qualities for new parents to have. The days when people got married at 18 are long gone (in the US or UK I think). My mother was married at 18 and started popping out babies about 9 months later. But as she would say, "We grew up a lot faster in those days". I have to agree. At least in my case, I was nowhere near ready for the responsibilities of being a parent in my early 20's. (still having to complete my 8 years of college first) But don't feel too bad. Making prejudiced assessments of other people's lives is what humans do. Race, religion, age, economic class... At least you know you're not alone.  On the plus side, you are right. Younger parents have the benefit of a lot more energy. After having 2 kids by the time I was 34, and still having pre-teens in my 40's, I just don't have the stamina that a younger dad would. I set up a soccer field in our yard last year. After about 15 minutes of play with my daughters, I thought I was going to die. So, since you are so young, I would suggest making the most of it. In a few years, the idea of sports, car seats and 10 diapers a day will make you want to open a vein. 
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Mar 5 2007, 03:07 PM
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WhizzHard Books Copy Editor Posts: 2,152 Joined: 12:18pm July 22, 2005 Location: Reading KSK, Deadspin, TheBigLead, and the Fanhouse.  |
I revised the topic title to include dads as well. It will be more obviously inclusive that way.
*Removes Mod hat* My wife and I were young parents as well. Despite the difficulties associated, y'all have listed many of them, I'm happy with our life path. We too find ourselves more often in the company of parents with same age children who are more or less 10 years older than us. To contrast our situation, there are a handful of people we graduated high school with who had children at the same time (right after). We turned out ok, others couldn't separate themselves from the immature things young people like to do. That's the risk with having children young. I'm not saying that all people are more stable as they approach 30 or older, but they've at least had a chance to get a lot of the stuff out of their system before having kids. That said, I wouldn't change a thing about our life. We will have all our kids graduated from high school by the time we are 42. Hopefully, we'll have at least one college graduate by that time. I suppose it's 6 of one and a half-dozen of another though. We'll have our time in middle age, others got theirs in their 20s. |
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Mar 5 2007, 05:20 PM
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WhizzHard Books Copy Editor Posts: 2,185 Joined: 4:31pm October 9, 2006 Location: At Swamp Bottom, making thread. |
I do feel sometimes that i have missed out, my husband is only three years older than me, but that three years gave him a chance to get his degree, live away from home at uni and basically have a student life, going out, snogging lots and getting very very drunk and basically not worrying about much.
Because of some of the things people think about young parents i have made absolutley sure that no-one can critisise anything i do when bringing up my children, they are always emaculately presented (well at least when we leave the house they are... you try stopping a two year old jumping in puddles!), my son says please and thank you for everything (even though he cant say his name properly yet!), i make sure he eats the right foods, and have already got his name down at the best pre-school in the area (he starts sept 08). Unfortunately i know (through my husbands family) another couple about the same age as us who have done the opposite and not changed their lives at all to suit their child. as a result the poor child was removed from the and is being cared for by her grandmother. I think that a persons abilty to become a good parent (or at least to TRY to be a good parent, that's all that really matters) is down to them as a person, not down to their age. while some young parents fit the stereotypical 'laze at home living on benifits smoking and feeding the children mcdonalds everyday' equally there are some older parents who give birth, then (through choice, not necessity) three months later go to work and let a series of nurseries and childminders bring up their child. some people just assume that all young parents are unable, and all older parents must immediately be perfect. This post has been edited by shadow_onthesun: Mar 5 2007, 05:23 PM -------------------- Leakys British thread has grown too big for the lounge! Join us HERE for Brit talk, and random Potter-ing |
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Mar 5 2007, 05:54 PM
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#8
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WhizzHard Books Copy Editor Posts: 2,152 Joined: 12:18pm July 22, 2005 Location: Reading KSK, Deadspin, TheBigLead, and the Fanhouse. |
QUOTE(shadow_onthesun @ Mar 5 2007, 05:20 PM) [snapback]1125683[/snapback] some people just assume that all young parents are unable, and all older parents must immediately be perfect. That really hits the nail on the head. And I agree completely. A good parent is someone who tries hard, loves their children, and sincerely does the best they can to put thier child's needs first. |
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Mar 6 2007, 08:46 AM
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Butter Upper  Posts: 2,398 Joined: 9:14am July 22, 2005 Location: The South |
I find this topic fascinating, because I come from a culture where if a couple waits until even their late 20s they're often asked, "what are you waiting to have kids for?"
 I had my first child ten months after I got married. I was just about to turn 22. I just had my fourth almost three weeks ago and I am going to be 29 in July. My husband and I have fondly dubbed our 20s as "The Decade of Babies."  In all honesty, when people have babies and why they have babies is absolutely nobody's business except the couple who are having the babies. It's a private desicion, in my opinion. If you get weird looks from people, just smile and pity them for assuming the worst. You know what you're doing with your kids (or maybe not! I know I'm lost still sometimes. We learn as we go, right?) and while people may think advice is warrented, you've just got to do what you've got to do. These are going to be the best years of our lives with our children, even though each developmental stage brings its own set of challenges. I just know that no matter what other people might think, I'm going to have a good time and enjoy my kids. I had them for my enjoyment and love, not for other's. -------------------- The world is full of cactus, but you don't have to sit on it. ~Proverb |
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Mar 7 2007, 08:35 AM
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#10
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Monster Book Stacker Posts: 406 Joined: 2:47am July 25, 2005 |
QUOTE(shadow_onthesun @ Mar 5 2007, 10:20 PM) [snapback]1125683[/snapback] I do feel sometimes that i have missed out, my husband is only three years older than me, but that three years gave him a chance to get his degree, live away from home at uni and basically have a student life, going out, snogging lots and getting very very drunk and basically not worrying about much. This is a really interesting point. Not that I had lots of sex and got drunk regularly in college. But it makes me wonder about a lot of things. Do we need a transition from being a child to being a parent? Or is it a cultural phenomenon? I had always believed that, since most of the people I knew at 18 were far from mature, we all had a long way to go before we were ready to care for another life. Properly. However, 80-400 years ago was it that uncommon for even a 15 year old to become a mother or father? (Still in certain parts of the world) Certainly things have changed culturally for most people on Earth, but for everybody? For the most part, we live longer and our development is stretched out quite a bit. But, is that necessary or is it simply a matter of convenience? The genes of rapid maturation must still be there. So are we stretching out our maturation and enjoying the process or are we just unnaturally delaying the inevitable? I'm not sure what the real answer is, but I do know that children tend to follow in the footsteps of their parents. Education, class, world views, etc. So, I think the question a potential new parent should ask themselves is "What path do I want my child to follow?". "What examples should I set?". "Do I want my children to become what I have?". If you are not capable of asking such questions, then chances are you are not ready. Because chances are your children will follow in your footsteps. |
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