Thank you for your comments, Aphrodites Lady! As I'm reading through S&S, I'm finding more references to "keeping up appearances" as I see it, to enforce a sense of control over how people interacted with each other...similar to what I saw in Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. In Snow Flower, the language that was used between the women was considered "beneath" the regard of men, so they "allowed" it, whilst not knowing that their behavior was actually being recorded and documented. In a way, though the women were physically controlled and "restrained", emotionally and mentally, they were a lot freer - especially in having a language that conveyed so much, yet was beneath the radar of those that chalked it off as being "women's language", and paid it nor further heed; their honor was kept "intact".

I see the opposite happening in S&S, however. The women were free to pay social calls and be physically seen in the outside world, but how they interacted was severely contrived. For example, take this passage in what would now be revealed (and not revealed) to Marianne and Willoughby's mutual whereabouts in polite conversation and society:



It seemed that each must be dead to the other, while they were both very much alive and about in the World. In "deference" to Marianne, Willoughby's name must not be mentioned in her presence - as if that portion of her life never existed. If they were to go to a party, the host or hostess must be sure not to invite the other, for fear of a social breech of etiquette. This, while seemingly is done to "protect" the other's "honor", actually violates the extreme privacy of both of them, as Marianne's misfortune becomes a much talked about event that is essentially perpetuated for the rest of her life. By these social norms, she is actually forcibly restricted from ever truly recovering from it, rather than it be a romantic bump in the road, which she could look upon in fondness in her old age as the folly of her youth. She is unable to confront her heartache (and the one responsible for it) and move on with her life, why?

Well, where exactly did women stand in world at the time? Women weren't equal to men, but were they beneath them? And if so, by how much?

I'm sorry. I'm really trying to understand your meaning. But it's hard to see which society is what way. I having a hard time seeing one distinctly from the other.

I do agree that the reputation of women in China at that time were better protected than the women of Austen's era. I guess women could be themselves, so long as they didn't trouble their men in doing so. It's almost as if Chinese women were just a showpiece for their husbands.

Without reading that book, I would venture to guess it has its origins in maintaining order in society. In both the general sense in that we can't have people just taking whatever they want when they want it or engaging in inappropriate behavior in public; and in the more specific sense of the order or 'rank' of the individual in relationship to the others around them. Like many things that 'protect', it can also have a restraining influence.