Although Sirius and Lupin knew Lily and Snape were friends, I don't think they realized, as Jo says James realized, that Snape feelings for Lily had grown beyond friendship. Sirius hated Snape because his interest in the Dark Arts and he was always following them around. Lupin and Sirius are amused by Harry's thinking that his mother hated James, so they might have been aware of when Lily started to notice James. Of course if they knew about Snape hanging out trying to talk to Lily after he called her a Mudblood, they might have guessed he liked her, but as Lily never liked Snape more than a friend, they would dismissed it.
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And so we have this underlying pattern of half-truths, concealment and chance discoveries in relation to Harry's parents (and other things), all of which are designed to lead the Hero to "the Truth" at the appropriate time.
But is the concealment of the "truth" designed so that at the appropriate time Harry and the readers have any more insight to Lily and James' relationship than we started out with?
We knew in the first book, because Voldemort tells us, that James was brave in the end and his mother didn't have to die. We knew they loved each other. We knew Snape and James hated each other. We know that James was a true friend to Sirius and Lupin and that he would spare the life of someone, even if he disliked him. We knew from the Pensieve that Lily would take up for someone and didn't stand for cruelty towards another. We hear some of what happened the night James and Lily were killed in POA.
The truth that is revealed helps Harry therefore the readers understand Snape's relationship with his mother, Snape's change of allegiance at the time his parents were killed, and Dumbledore's understanding of Snape. But at the end of the books there were still threads dedicated to "why did Lily marry James?" or variations of the subject.
We know Dumbledore kept the Invisibility Cloak:
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"It was a Cloak the likes of which I had never seen, immensely old, perfect in every respect...and then your father died, and I had two Hallows at last, all to myself!"
Page 715 DH
But we don't know why, with so much at stake, James and Lily turned down Dumbledore's protection, and are left with Snape's explanation: James' arrogant trust in Sirius.
Then again, some of the proof of Lily's and James attraction to each other is evident in Lily's personality. When Snape first sees her, Lily is, according to Petunia, breaking her parents rules about using her gifts. And she's using a swing to
fly--it appears Harry's love of flying comes from both parents.
I would say, there is enough to fill in the blanks as to what James and Lily were like as a team.
Continuing on with the theme of fathers: Consider Jo's comments or intent Sirius as a reckless Guy to choose for Godfather. She does not say, it was not the best time in anyone's life, but that Sirius was a reckless guy.
Before she said this, Sirius confession that he persuaded James and Lily to choose Peter, seemed just Sirius blaming himself for a mistake they all made. And as the novels go, I still see nothing to suggest that it was a mistake all three adults made. However, Jo's comment about Sirius was a reckless guy to choose, makes me wonder if Jo intended us to agree with Sirius. The choice of Peter was his mistake alone.
Or it could be Sirius is single, and would have had he not gone to Azkaban, remained single.
I recall when my children were young and custody was an issue, I could think of nothing more frightening than single fathers who were as competent as one expected a single mother to be. That may or may not be an factor in Jo's attitude towards Sirius.
At another time statement that Sirius wanted to be a friend to Harry and Harry needed a father was interesting as well, because I was not certain, given his position, how much more of a father Sirius could have been for Harry. If it were her intent to show that Sirius as a person was not ready to learn and accept that the responsibilities of a father are different than that of a friend,
I didn't see that at all--at least in the books. The movies were a bit different.
In the novels the circumstances under which Sirius and Harry were brought together were posed to work against them. But nothing in Sirius' behavior suggests that in peace time he would not have made a decent father, but maybe not every defines a decent father in the same way. A decent father or parent is one who does the best he or she can. A good parent is one who is willing to make sacrifices and Sirius was posed to do that. A good parent is one who is prepared to say Do as I say, not as I did, and you will fare better, and Sirius was prepared to do that.
At thirteen Harry had long outgrown the need for bedtime stories and needing someone to tuck him in. He needed someone to help work out the difficulties of gown up values. With the exception of Kreacher, Sirius' values were intense but loyalty and honesty are good things to teach Harry. Harry needed someone to talk to and Sirius was there for him, to listen, to encourage him, as much as he could be. When Harry voiced concerns Sirius knew he could not solve, Sirius had the common sense to go to Dumbledore. I don't see Harry as needing more from Sirius than Sirius was ready to give him.