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Posted by: shadow_onthesun Mar 4 2007, 04:09 PM

Im a young mum. i had my first child a month after i turned twenty and my second was born when i was 21. It seems to me that while all the mums i know are very nice, and we can talk about our children when it comes to talking about much else we get a bit stuck.... you see im the youngest mum at all my toddler groups by a good eight or nine years. the average age of the mums at the groups is about 33.

so i thought id set this thread up to see if there are many other young mums on this board, what are you experiences, of being a mum and of pregnancy? while i love being a mum, i was a bit uncomfortable with my pregnancies, i felt very selfconcious, and thought people where judging me based on 'my bump'. when older mums announced their pregnancys got congraulations, i got shaking heads, is this planned?, and what are you going to do? and ok, my first wasnt planned but my second was. i was in a stable relationship (still am, we are now married) and my husband had a good income, but still i was greeted with negitiveness.

that said i have so much more energy than a lot of the other mums i know. me and brandon (my eldest) do crafts and run about and play at the park, while a lot of the other mums sit watching and craving coffee!

i hope there are some of you out there!
k.x

Posted by: Archaic Sage Mar 4 2007, 05:25 PM

You think that you fall under "Young Mum", wow, maybe we live in two seperate worlds, but I think the best age for having children is between 20-26 personally, just because you're still young enough to remember your youth easily.

When I think of young mum, I think of <18s, which really is young. I knew a couple of people at 14 who had kids, poor things. I felt so sorry for them when I heard that news...

Sorry, that was a touch off topic.

Posted by: shadow_onthesun Mar 4 2007, 07:01 PM

it was a little off topic yes. i kind of hoped that this thread would be one which other young mums could support each other and share experiences. what i meant by the term 'young mum' is really mums under 25. there dont seem to be many about at any of the groups or activities i take my children to, as i said earlier. while physically 20-26 is ideal that fact is most women wait now. there are even quite a few new mums in their mid-late 40s at toddler group..
babys at 14?! wow! i think there was one girl i went to school with who was pregnant at 15/16, but 14 really makes you think.

Posted by: Weasleys Wheezes Mar 4 2007, 10:52 PM

Oh god - I don't even want to think of 14 year old's getting pregnant. My sister is about to turn 15 and the thought terrifies me. I wonder if it's too late to put her under lock and key

Anyways - I'm considered a young mom. At least I consider myself a young mom. I'm 21 -- and I'm pregnant with my first. My husband and I have been married for 2 years, but we constantly get the "oh was it planned!?" looks and comments. It drives me crazy. I actually had someone ask me at the doctor's office if we had recently gotten married after finding out the "big news." Umm -- not quite. Thanks for the lovely question though. I also raise my sister (the 14 year old) and I'm constantly getting weird/snarky comments about that. I guess it's hard to believe that a 21 year old would willing take in their sister and raise them. Come to think of it - it probably is hard to believe. Most of my friends are still too interested in bar hopping than raising a family. It's rough at times -- but I truly believe we have the advantage. We can still remember what it's like at that age vividly.. something that helps me greatly when it comes to dealing with my sister. Not that older mom's can't -- I just think it's easier for us to relate to em.

Posted by: jacobmarley Mar 5 2007, 02:29 AM

I think, because the "usual" thing to do is for people to go to college, most folks think of families as starting in your late 20's/early 30's. When my wife and I had our first child, we were two of the youngest in our Lamaze class. (I was 30, she was 27) So, to see someone younger than that with a child seems a little out of the ordinary, if it was planned. That in no way excuses the rude, intrusive observations.

Parenting is not an exact science. I know many people are ready at a very young age for the responsibilities of parenthood, and others are never ready. Unfortunately, most of the men and women that I know who are in their early 20's are immature, selfish and have a huge aversion to work. Those are not good qualities for new parents to have. The days when people got married at 18 are long gone (in the US or UK I think). My mother was married at 18 and started popping out babies about 9 months later. But as she would say, "We grew up a lot faster in those days". I have to agree. At least in my case, I was nowhere near ready for the responsibilities of being a parent in my early 20's. (still having to complete my 8 years of college first)

But don't feel too bad. Making prejudiced assessments of other people's lives is what humans do. Race, religion, age, economic class... At least you know you're not alone.

On the plus side, you are right. Younger parents have the benefit of a lot more energy. After having 2 kids by the time I was 34, and still having pre-teens in my 40's, I just don't have the stamina that a younger dad would. I set up a soccer field in our yard last year. After about 15 minutes of play with my daughters, I thought I was going to die. So, since you are so young, I would suggest making the most of it. In a few years, the idea of sports, car seats and 10 diapers a day will make you want to open a vein.

Posted by: coach Mar 5 2007, 03:07 PM

I revised the topic title to include dads as well. It will be more obviously inclusive that way.

*Removes Mod hat*

My wife and I were young parents as well. Despite the difficulties associated, y'all have listed many of them, I'm happy with our life path. We too find ourselves more often in the company of parents with same age children who are more or less 10 years older than us.

To contrast our situation, there are a handful of people we graduated high school with who had children at the same time (right after). We turned out ok, others couldn't separate themselves from the immature things young people like to do. That's the risk with having children young. I'm not saying that all people are more stable as they approach 30 or older, but they've at least had a chance to get a lot of the stuff out of their system before having kids.

That said, I wouldn't change a thing about our life. We will have all our kids graduated from high school by the time we are 42. Hopefully, we'll have at least one college graduate by that time. I suppose it's 6 of one and a half-dozen of another though. We'll have our time in middle age, others got theirs in their 20s.

Posted by: shadow_onthesun Mar 5 2007, 05:20 PM

I do feel sometimes that i have missed out, my husband is only three years older than me, but that three years gave him a chance to get his degree, live away from home at uni and basically have a student life, going out, snogging lots and getting very very drunk and basically not worrying about much.

Because of some of the things people think about young parents i have made absolutley sure that no-one can critisise anything i do when bringing up my children, they are always emaculately presented (well at least when we leave the house they are... you try stopping a two year old jumping in puddles!), my son says please and thank you for everything (even though he cant say his name properly yet!), i make sure he eats the right foods, and have already got his name down at the best pre-school in the area (he starts sept 08).

Unfortunately i know (through my husbands family) another couple about the same age as us who have done the opposite and not changed their lives at all to suit their child. as a result the poor child was removed from the and is being cared for by her grandmother.

I think that a persons abilty to become a good parent (or at least to TRY to be a good parent, that's all that really matters) is down to them as a person, not down to their age. while some young parents fit the stereotypical 'laze at home living on benifits smoking and feeding the children mcdonalds everyday' equally there are some older parents who give birth, then (through choice, not necessity) three months later go to work and let a series of nurseries and childminders bring up their child. some people just assume that all young parents are unable, and all older parents must immediately be perfect.

Posted by: coach Mar 5 2007, 05:54 PM

That really hits the nail on the head. And I agree completely. A good parent is someone who tries hard, loves their children, and sincerely does the best they can to put thier child's needs first.

Posted by: SunnyElf Mar 6 2007, 08:46 AM

I find this topic fascinating, because I come from a culture where if a couple waits until even their late 20s they're often asked, "what are you waiting to have kids for?"

I had my first child ten months after I got married. I was just about to turn 22. I just had my fourth almost three weeks ago and I am going to be 29 in July. My husband and I have fondly dubbed our 20s as "The Decade of Babies." In all honesty, when people have babies and why they have babies is absolutely nobody's business except the couple who are having the babies. It's a private desicion, in my opinion. If you get weird looks from people, just smile and pity them for assuming the worst. You know what you're doing with your kids (or maybe not! I know I'm lost still sometimes. We learn as we go, right?) and while people may think advice is warrented, you've just got to do what you've got to do. These are going to be the best years of our lives with our children, even though each developmental stage brings its own set of challenges. I just know that no matter what other people might think, I'm going to have a good time and enjoy my kids. I had them for my enjoyment and love, not for other's.

Posted by: jacobmarley Mar 7 2007, 08:35 AM

This is a really interesting point. Not that I had lots of sex and got drunk regularly in college. But it makes me wonder about a lot of things. Do we need a transition from being a child to being a parent? Or is it a cultural phenomenon? I had always believed that, since most of the people I knew at 18 were far from mature, we all had a long way to go before we were ready to care for another life. Properly. However, 80-400 years ago was it that uncommon for even a 15 year old to become a mother or father? (Still in certain parts of the world) Certainly things have changed culturally for most people on Earth, but for everybody? For the most part, we live longer and our development is stretched out quite a bit. But, is that necessary or is it simply a matter of convenience? The genes of rapid maturation must still be there. So are we stretching out our maturation and enjoying the process or are we just unnaturally delaying the inevitable?

I'm not sure what the real answer is, but I do know that children tend to follow in the footsteps of their parents. Education, class, world views, etc. So, I think the question a potential new parent should ask themselves is "What path do I want my child to follow?". "What examples should I set?". "Do I want my children to become what I have?". If you are not capable of asking such questions, then chances are you are not ready. Because chances are your children will follow in your footsteps.

Posted by: shadow_onthesun Mar 7 2007, 05:34 PM

I think its cultural JacobMarley. I dont think my ability to be a parent has been diminished because i didnt experience the freedom of being a 'young adult'. if anything i think not having it has in a way benifitted me. as you grow up things are constantly changing, mostly through education, and having a child at the end of this stage of life was 'just another change'. I am constantly changing my attitudes to suit my childrens development and stage of life. my husband (who did experience the student life) is a lot more stuck in his ways. I'm quite happy to only go out without the children 2 or 3 times a year, but he would much rather go out 2 or 3 times a month, of course while he was a student he'd go out 2 or 3 times a week.
just in case we are not clear:
i really love being a young mum, im glad that this is the direction my life took.
id much rather do this now then have experienced student life. but i think everyone sometimes thinks.... what if?

Posted by: Weasleys Wheezes Mar 7 2007, 10:24 PM

I guess I was lucky in that aspect.. I was a bit of a wild child in high school so I got all the drinking and partying out of my system back then so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Honestly, I think that's a big part of why I feel like I'm ready to have a family and why I got married so young. I had already been there and done all that. My husband wasn't quite as much of a wild child growing up - but he did have his fair share of fun -- but it seemed like he was ready to "play grown-up" far earlier than I was. I didn't want kids for the first year that we were married - whereas he was wanting us to get pregnant and start a family. Had we not gotten custody of my sister I probably would have wanted to put off having kids for even longer - but having a teenager thrown in your lap kinda forces you to grow the rest of the way up and face your responsibilities.

I think a lot of it (for a lack of a better term) is a bit of selfishness. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, don't get me wrong. I think a main people why people now-a-days are waiting so long to have kids is so that they have the chance to live it up while they still can and so they can get to a more "comfortable" place in life, (financially, etc..) in a lot of ways that's smart..I wish my husband and I had been able to do that - get actual careers instead of just working.. but I've come to the conclusion..you're never ready for a kid. Especially financially. You may think you have it all planned and worked out -- but those kids can always throw you a curveball and prove you wrong. (ESPECIALLY TEENAGERS!!) A lot of people have the mindset that once you have kids, your life is over. They wanna get all their "fun" out while they still can. (Again, not everybody -- I'm not trying to offend any of the older mom's and dad's that happen their way in here.. but that does seem to be the general mindset.)

Posted by: *ellen marine* Mar 7 2007, 10:33 PM

Hmm.. I knew one 13-year-old girl who got pregnant, and a 14-year-old. Both went to my school, both left when they got pregnant, and both now have a few different unplanned children by different fathers. I feel bad for the way things worked out for both of them, as neither of them have seemed happy, when I've seen them in recent years. I honestly think those individuals were incapable of being 'good' parents at the ages that they got pregnant.

I say 'those individuals', because I've known other individuals, who've had kids when they were only a few years older than that (16, 17) who rose to the challenge and have done a brilliant job. My mum had her first child, my brother, when she was 16. He turned 38 a few days ago, and our parents are still together. So I also guess it's quite different with different people. My sisters are also 'young mothers' by your definition: my eldest sister had her first when she was 23, and my other sister had her first last year, when she was 25.

Posted by: shadow_onthesun Mar 9 2007, 10:26 AM

you want to know the really ironic thing? out of my circle of friends my family is the most well off. not because we have the most money coming in every month, we dont; my husband makes a good wage but he is still only a few rungs up on his career. however everybody else got mortgages a couple of years ago while both partners where working full time in good jobs. now mum is at home, and while income has dropped significantly, the mortgages are still huge, so my friends are forced back into partime work, and doing evening shifts in supermarkets to just keep ticking over, its that or get into debt and loose their homes. we are renting at the moment but plan on buying in a few years, and our income covers all out rent/bills/food, everything leaving us enough to put into savings for a rainy day, and i dont feel any financial pressure to get back to work and more importantly we have no debts.

Posted by: Weasleys Wheezes Mar 9 2007, 09:12 PM

Well- I wouldn't say that my family is better off than everyone else in my circle of friends.. but we're up there. We have more to show for it I guess is a better way to put it. We actually have a house (with a reasonable mortgage - thank God..lol), 2 cars and enough spare money to live comfortably. My other friend's that have more money is usually because they are still living at home so they pay no rent and have no bills to speak of - or they don't have kids depending on them. That's where a lot of our money goes out to -- my little sister. She's at that age where everything has to be name-brand and she wants all the cool gadgets everyone else her age has.

The rough thing is- I feel like everyone around us is waiting for us to screw up.. like we are too young and immature to handle all the responsiblities we've taken on. As much as I love the choices that I made and regret nothing.. I still hate the fact that I feel like I have to watch every step I make so the "peanut gallery" has nothing bad to say about us.

Posted by: shadow_onthesun Mar 10 2007, 04:26 AM

aaah, maybe i should have included that- we are better off than our friends 'with children' my single friends think being broke is only being able to go out twice a week instead of four!

Posted by: jacobmarley Mar 10 2007, 07:02 AM

I think the most important factor here is choice. We all chose to have families at the times we did. It's what we wanted at the time. So we were prepared. (somewhat) Either financially or with a real job (or were prepared to get one), etc.

Shadow on the Sun, you say your husband got his degree. And you are three years younger than he. I'm not sure, but I would think that your husband probably does not get the same flak that you do. He would sort of fit into the mold of what people expect. Went to college, career track, then kids, etc. Not to mention he is probably the envy of all of the other dads. He has a family and a hot, young wife.

The thing is, most people are busybodies. They think that they know best, and everyone should be like them. And they are quite prepared to tell you so. Religion. Politics. Parenting. It doesn't matter what the subject is. Opinions are like bums: everyone has one. That's just something you have to get used to. Get a thick skin and tell people to stop being such condescending zealots. You know how much you love being a mother. And because of that, you'll probably be much better at it. Just thank the fates you're not Britney Spears. At least you don't have people with cameras following you around, then telling you what a mess you are.

The other thing is this. You don't need to feel like you missed out on the college experience if you don't want to. I had four good friends in college who did their child rearing first, and then went back to school in their 40's. Being a parent doesn't mean your life is over.

Posted by: melj1213 Mar 10 2007, 12:23 PM

Well I am not a young mum - but my mother was. My mother has had all seven of her children within 10 years. She had the twins Will and Charlie when she was 19 and she had me when she was 29. Between me and the twins, she had my other 4 brothers. Fortunatley, she had the support of her parents and my dad, when she had the twins and she had also been working for the 3 years since she left school at 16, so she had some money and independance. Also once she had had the twins, my dad was the main wage earner and worked his way up through the company to become a CEO - which meant that my mother didn't have to go out to work. She did work, but that was mainly because she wanted to have a bit of extra money to treat us kids, and just to keep herself busy once everyone started going to school. And then when I was born they decided that that wasit and they weren't having any more kids. So by then, my mother had worked her way up in the company she had been working for, and once all of us kids were in school she could work more and became a CEo as well. By this time, I had turned 6 and joined my brothers at boarding school, and so my parents were a lot more 'free' to go away and travel for their work, and so were able to earn more money to allow us to have a good quality of life.

My mother is now 46 and she has a good job, seven (pretty amazing!) kids, her own house (with all of the money coming in, they paid off their morgage early), a husband, and now she has grandkids!

A lot of people said she was stupid to get married and have kids so young, but if you look at where she is now, it has not stopped her doing what she wanted - and she is now running a company and has the energy to run around after her grandkids. A lot of people find it hard to believe that at 46 she is a grandmother and has kids who are 27 - a lot of people think that my 7 yr old niece is actually my sister when we are out with my mother... Meenwhile a lot of my mother's friends from when she was younger are only just having their kids and are finding things a lot harder - despite the fact that they have their careers and their money - with kids you have to have lots of energy, which mayn of the 'older mothers' I know just don't seem to have.

Posted by: Igraine Mar 11 2007, 10:34 AM

I was really surprised when I read about all the young mums and dads. In Italy it's quite rare to have kids in your early 20s. It's mostly a financial issue,it's very difficult ta find a job if you're young,and to do so you definetly need higher education,you don't get very far without a degree.So it's hard to make a family. Also italian men usually live with their parents for a really long time,till their early thirties sometimes,which means they are usually not mature enough to have kids of their own.

Posted by: shadow_onthesun Mar 11 2007, 04:13 PM

wow, how did you know?


I will be using this phrase in future.


My best friend comes from italy, and one of her childhood friends had a daughter about 6mos before i had my first, and we were talking about the differences between the country this summer and it is totally another world! in england i think that the government is too soft. if you have a child while you are financially ill-prepared and unmarried the government will give you income support (££££), housing benenfit (more ££££), Child Tax credits (more ££££) and a one off payment (the sure start grant) so you can buy the things you need for baby when shes born (yep even more ££££) this is before you get to work! I dont think that there are many people in the uk who can really claim to be very poor (obviously there will be some, and as always this is only my humble opinion).
In italy it is much different, possibly the opposite end of the spectrum. girls have to rely on their families and if they arent willing to help....? I am so used to the toddler group culture and mixing with a wide range of mums here, and this was an alien concept to my friends friend. as she is unmarried when she applied for a passport to bring her daughter on holiday to england the paperwork needed the fathers signiture, not hers. and ive been moaning about social stigma here?! im very fortunate being a young mum in england, it must be so mush harder in italy

Posted by: MirandaV Mar 12 2007, 10:43 PM

Well, I'm not sure if I would be considered a young mum or not, I got pregnant with my first at 24, but my husband was only 21. Believe me, we get weird comments all of the time still about that. He was in the military and I had just gotten out. I didn't have my degree yet, nor did I party, ever. I definitely don't regret that. I continued my education while pregnant with my first and then finished it with night classes while pregnant with my second. I have chosen to say at home with my kids, and we plan on having more. I told my husband that I want to have all of them by the time I'm 30, so we need to get a move on... . My husband works full-time and goes to college right now so we rarely, if ever, get time together. If he's around I want him to spend time with the girls. But I think all of this just makes us stronger. We are stronger as a couple for having to work to get what we want for our children. We have a house and 2 cars and we can pay our bills, sometimes we are stretching it to make it to next pay day, but everyone has what they need. They don't lack for love and that's what's most important.

Posted by: jacobmarley Mar 13 2007, 07:34 AM

After re-reading this thread, one thing is becoming painfully obvious. If you guys are all getting rude feedback like this, you need a better class of friends and associates. Friends and people in polite society would not think to make such obviously (for anyone with an IQ over 60) condescending comments to others.

#1-if they are "friends" giving you this BS, the answer is simple. Not REAL friends.

#2-if they are just peripheral acquaintances, I'd have no problem at all telling them to "Bite Me!".

#3-if they are family saying these things, I'd still tell them to Bite Me.

Posted by: bouncing_ferret Mar 13 2007, 10:35 AM

I'm a "young mum" then. I had my son last year when I was 22. I'm glad I had him when I'm younger though. There are more health risks as you get older.

One thing I've noticed though - as a parent, I really don't have time to read HP anymore! But it's definitely worth it. I will just have to squeeze DH in

Posted by: coach Mar 13 2007, 11:33 AM

Sometimes even good friends behave badly, for lots of reasons. The same with family or acquaintances. I'm more the type of person to let things like that roll off my back.

One thing that's sort of amusing, and I don't know if anyone else experiences it, is the different impression my wife and I make on people when we just have our girls with us, as opposed to our son as well. I'll be 30 this year, and our daughters are 6 and 4, so our ages look "appropriate." Our son is 10, and no matter how polite some people may want to be, some are unable to hide that first flash of shock that crosses their face.

Posted by: Minerva31 Mar 13 2007, 11:41 AM

I always thought I'd be a young mom... Well, I'm a not so young mom of 33 expecting her first for the end of August... In my case, I don't believe it had anything to do with maturity or lack there of... It was just life... i was with the wrong person too many times before finaly catching on my mistakes.

I do see some young moms at work. Some are good at it, and some got caught at it would be the way to put it. We try to help as much as we can, but some just don't care. They still have the attitude of "I'm young, I can do anything and you don't know squat". Fortunately, some are receptive and will ask for our input and ideas.

Posted by: jacobmarley Mar 14 2007, 06:25 AM

Coach, sometimes I get that "shocked" look on my face with people. I have customers who, through my dealings with them, have revealed that they have older children. College aged, etc. My shock isn't that I think they had kids young, it's that they look really good for the age they must be. (one is an attorney who I thought was my age, but unless she started having kids when she was 10...)

Of course I do let my customers know that I'm just flirting, not judging.

Posted by: Madame Cadogan Mar 15 2007, 03:17 PM

This is completely true! It's wrong to treat people like crap, no matter who they are.

I am not a mom myself, but I know that I don't want to be one for a very long time. My cousin and dance teacher are both currently pregnant and due in May, and they are both in their early 30s, which I think is a good time. My parents were old themselves when I was born; my mom was 37 and my dad was in his early 40s, and I am the eldest. They are the smartest people I know, and can still relate to me. If I have children, I don't want to be that old, but I do want to travel the world and be adventurous before I take on that kind of responsibility. When it comes down to it, though, the age doesn't matter as much as if the child is well cared for and loved, which seems to be the case with all of you!

MC

Posted by: Igraine Mar 20 2007, 06:38 AM

I admire people who have kids young,if they can handle it. As I have said in Italy it's rather difficult,the state doesn't help you out so you have to work and balance a family..not easy! I would maybe like to be a young mum myself,but I don't see that happening coz 1. I 'd have to find the right man quickly and 2. I am going to university,maybe even studying medicine,so there is no way I can see myself fitting a family into the picture before I get a degree.
What I like about young mothers is that they usually spoil their children less,do you see that too?

Posted by: jacobmarley Mar 21 2007, 07:53 AM

I guess it depends on what you call "spoiling". In general, my observation is that the older a parent is, the more material "stuff" they give their kids; the younger the parent is, the more they "stuff" their kids. Burger King, McDonalds, fried foods, Little Debbie snacks, etc. There are a lot of parents out there, regardless of age, who spoil their children. It just depends on the means as to what you "spoil" them with.

For me, my philosophy is that I'd much rather spoil them with education and opportunity. I do believe an older parent can by-and-large provide both in more abundance. Generally.

Posted by: shadow_onthesun Mar 21 2007, 12:02 PM

My son is two and a half and has NEVER eaten fast food, i feed both of my children organic when it is available and by and large it is available. My son eats chocolate about once every three weeks, and there is no way that i would let any food with colours in them pass either of thier lips. Obviously neither of my children have ever had a fizzy drink, i cant imagine that, colours AND sugar AND citric acid?! Im sure my son will one day eat fast food, for example if one of his friends had their birthday party at Burgerking or somewhere i wouldnt not let him go, but there is no way you will ever see me (or my husband) taking my children to one of those places.
I think this fast food culture has more to do with class than age, and unfortunatley younger parents can get put into a class catagory which doesnt fit them just because of age at which babies are born.

My son has had his name down at the best pre-school in the area (you will not find a better one or one that even matches it for about a fourty mile radius) for quite a while now, he starts september 2008 and will be attending in the afternoons so that we can keep the mornings free for him to contine attendning a lot of the more social activities we currently attend. He is also starting french classes january 2008. the biggest nightmare i am having at the moment is finding the right primary school, as the one nearest to where we are living at the moment is not good enough, it is open plan and has a 'relaxed' uniform policy which basically see's children going to school in Trainers! I cant believe the (predominently OLDER parents who live near us are actually willing to send thier children to it!) The school that i have in mind at the moment is smaller with a more traditional classroom structure, and of course a much stricter attitude to uniform. If we have to move to get into the right catchment area we will. I want my children to have the best education and opportunities available, i want them to be able to do whatever they want to do (even if it isnt beacoming a rockstar, snowboarding, brainsurgeon!), and not be kept back because i didnt prepare them well enough. It would be nice to think that all parents do this for their children, but again so many of the older mums i hang out with seem happy to send thier children to the nearest school, just becasue its there.

Posted by: Igraine Mar 21 2007, 12:55 PM

What I mean is that here in Italy there are many parents (especially older parents),who put their children at the centre of everything,doing all that they want,always fawning over them. That is what I mean by spoiling. I don't see younger parents doing it. Then again,I don't usually see younger parents.

Posted by: shadow_onthesun Mar 21 2007, 01:22 PM

I think i know what you mean. I remember my best friends mum telling me that once she took her eldest for a walk along the beach (my friend is half italian and grew up there) and while it was extremely hot she had him in only a few clothes and was frequently told the poor baby needs cuddling up in lots of blankets. i think from what ive seem italy can be similar to france in that way, lots of boys (and men!) who are used to being 'Mothered' a lot.

Posted by: jacobmarley Mar 21 2007, 07:19 PM

Shadow on the sun, I wasn't attacking you or asking for an individual defense of your parenting. I hope you don't think that. It sounds like you are a good parent and a concerned one.

EDIT: sorry I think I am getting a bit away from the original topic of a young parent support group, so I've deleted the rest of my post here.

Posted by: MirandaV Mar 26 2007, 10:03 PM

Okay...my older girl has had fast food, but it's definitely not a regular occurance. My mom is the one who gives her sweets (this aggravates me sometimes), she doesn't get any here at home. She didn't even get her trick or treating candy...we took her out for a little while and then passed out all the candy. What was left I sent to my husband's work for their consumption. There are no fried foods or sweet snacks even in my house, I try to cook a balanced meal almost every night of the week. And, as I am catholic, my children will have all the educational opportunities that I can give them through the Catholic school system.

I don't think it's an individual defense of my parenting...it's more a defense of young people in general. None of the young mothers I know feed their children fast food all of the time...for one thing, none of them can afford it.